Wants...

"Stop caring what people think. 

Stop taking caution in your actions, 

Listen to what you want, 

Do what you want, 

This is your life. 

Live it."

____________________________

Am I chasing what I want in my life?
Am I on the right path?

Most of the time, my answer is a yes..
I have seen how much I have grown..
I am more clear with my own goals..

I am happy now on my own..
I realized happiness have nothing to do with people or things..

True happiness comes within you,
No matter where you are..
No matter what you do..
No matter who you meet..

Of course two is better than one..
I do really wants to meet another person that will walk with me..
People told me that I need to know who I want to attract the person itself..

Question is..
What do I want from a relationship?
I have yet to know the answer..

Sometimes, I wondered...
Have I met you?
Have I missed out the sight of you?

I still have my own issues to settle..
I just wish if I happen to meet you,
Please let me know..=)

Happiness...

"Happiness starts with you. 

Not with your relationship, not with your job, 

not with your money, but with you."

_________________________________

I am not sure..

Am I really happy with my life now?

At least,

My heart is at peace.

My mind is at ease.

My body is fine.

I start to believe if you are really happy,

People sense your happiness.

Recalling back my memories,

I am surprised, contented, lucky, grateful and happy.

For I had changed to become the who I am today. 

Stay positive with your life.

Stay motivated with your life.

Stay hopeful with your life.

Stay happy with your life.

There is no path to happiness.

Happiness is the path. =)

Own path...

"Do not go where the path may lead, 

go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

_____________________________

Titi is a small town in Negeri Sembilan..

A town where Hakka communities reside..

Pretty small and chill town..

People here mostly are either retired, old people..

Or youngsters waiting to graduate from secondary school..

After all I have been through..

Finally, I decided to choose the path less taken..

Questions like..

Why do you come here?

Of all place, why Titi town?

Why do you want to work in a farm?

I cannot really give an exact answer..

Recently, my dearest friend asked me..

"Is this the life you have always wanted? 

Or the life you have imagined it to be?"

I stopped and think for a moment..

As this question never came across me..

I would not say my current life is what I have imagined it to be..

I would not say this is my dream life..

I would not even say this is what I want..

But..

I enjoyed what I am doing now..

I appreciated what I am having now..

I contented with who I am now..

Everyone got to walk on their own path..

No matter how difficult it will be..

No matter how challenging it will be..

No matter how lonely it will be..

The legs are yours..

Stand straight and look forward..

You just got to walk on your own..

As long as I know I still can walk..

I will never stop walking.. 

Ego...

"Love is a dangerous path and 

only those who have courage can travel it. 

To love means to drop the ego, 

To drop yourself, love means not to be."

~Osho~

____________________________

Everyone has their own ego..

I do have my ego too..

I starts to aware that ego are pretty noticeable..

Recently, I saw egos among people..

Ego occurs in conversations between..

Mum and son..

Husband and wife..

Employer and employee..

Guy and girl..

I questioned myself..

"Does fear and ego related?"

Fear and ego exist together.

Fear is food for the ego, 

nourishment for the ego.

If you are dropping your fears, 

you are putting your ego on a fast unto death.

I guess I still have many fears to overcome..

Slowly dropping down your own fear will weaken your ego as well.. 

Then, you can experience love..

True Purpose..

"Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny; 

they have something to fulfill, 

some message has to be delivered, 

some work has to be completed. 

You are not here accidentally; you are here meaningfully. 

There is a purpose behind you."
 ~Osho~

                                                         

It is time to walk into another new path..

Somewhere totally different from my current place..

Things gonna be different;

Lifestyle..

Food..

People..

Environment..

I know I am going to miss a lot of things;

Time I spent with my friends..

Time I spent with my relatives..

Some activity that I enjoy on weekend..

Some places that I visit occasionally..

Some food that I have craving always..

It is going to be difficult..

I may cry..

I may feel lonely again..

But deep down,

I know this is my new path..

A path that I must go, on my own..

No matter what the outcome,

I will never be the same..

I will find my purpose..=)

Sudden Change...

"The secret of health for both mind and body

 is not to mourn for the past, 

nor to worry about the future, 

but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." 

                                                    

I enjoyed my current work now..
It had been 3 years..
I used to say that I will not work for long in my current work..

Suddenly..
When my boss told me that he decided to close the company,
The fact that I am going to be jobless makes me cry out..

I am scare..
I do not know where should I go now..
How is my life going to be?
I am lost..

This is the time when I realize that I am living in my comfort zone..
So when I am force to leave out from my comfort zone,
I am scare..

The first time when I felt so down and lost is when my mum passed away..
Now this same feeling came back and I just let it flow inside me..
I cried for few days..

After that, I realize my thoughts are full with questions..
How my future is going to be?
Where am I heading to?
What should I do with my life?
These questions create fear, sadness, and lost in me..

After a while, I learn to accept and practice being in the moment..
Living in the present, calm myself rather than dwelling with the future..

I am feeling much better now..
I am grateful for this is a chance..
For me to change environment..
For me to accept new challenge..
For me to meet new people..

I will never know how my future will be..
But I know no matter what..
It's gonna be alright..

Kindness..

"Do not underestimate a moment of your kindness. 

It has the power to change lives in way you may never know."

                                                       

Recently, 

I think of you a lot, mum..

I recalled the times when your friends described you as a kind person..

I knew how you want to help people within your capabilities..

You never really teach me how to be kind..

"Behave yourself!"

That is the only sentence I heard from you always..=D

I do not know when kindness plays an important part in my life..

I am learning to practice kindness as an act of love..

Sometimes, I know I am just being nice instead of kind..

There is a profound meaning between being kind and being nice..

Most people are just being nice but not being kind..

Being nice means behaving courteously and politely so that our behaviour is pleasing or agreeable to others..

Being kind is based on wisdom and without needing to please anyone, including yourself..

To be kind, we need to be bold, daringly bold.

True kindness comes with discernment.

It is inclusive: within and without.

It is all embracing.

It is without limits.

Don't Be Nice, Be Kind! =)

I had Stopped..

"Stop the chase. 

Realize that just because something is hard to get, 

doesn't mean it is worth the effort. 

No one is worth running after. 

It is better to find someone who will meet you in the middle."

                                                                

I decided to find people out when I feel lonely..

I decided to watch series of movies just to kill my lonely time..

I decided to chat with strangers through dating apps because I feel lonely..

Every time you play dating apps, 

You are actually feeding to your loneliness..

You are trying to ignore the fact that you are lonely..

You are wasting your time chatting with people whom you clearly know is of no point..

I agreed human beings need companion in life..

Through dating apps, 

You get to know new people..

You chat with them..

You hang out with them..

Then..

The cycle will repeat with new people..

After a while, I find this exhausting and making me feel worse on my loneliness..

The moment when I decided not to keep distracting myself 

because I feel lonely, I knew I grew again..

Instead of wasting my time, 

its time for me to look at a different perspective.. 

At least I have the real courage now to face my loneliness..=)

Take it slow...

"No need to rush things, 

If something is bound to happen, 

It will happen in the right time 

with the right person and for the best reason."

                                                                       

You are wiser after you made mistakes..

Mistakes allow you to learn, be cautious and take it slow..

If this is fate, time will tells..

If you are right for me, time will tell..

In this busy life, we just got to learn to take things slow..
This will allow you to have a clearer picture,
thus, make better decision..

As long as you are clear with your values in life,
You know you are walking on the right path of your life..

Silence...

" Remember one thing: except for silence,

everything else is your imagination - howsoever beautiful, 

because only in your silence are you close to very center of existence."

~Osho~

                                                                 

Recently I quite enjoy being in silence..

Because when you really quiet down yourself, 

you actually can see how your thoughts are running around..

When you really silent yourself from any distractions (people, phones, social media and etc)..

You will be able to know your true self.

You will be able to know why are you keeping yourself busy.

You will be able to know what is your fear.

You will be able to know what are you actually avoiding.

With this, you can face yourself more truthful..

Do not questions..

Your fear.. 

Your avoidance.. 

Your ignorance..

Your anger..

Your joy..

But acknowledge them..

Make peace with yourself..

In a busy life..

Where you chase after money, love, career and others,

You should really have some quiet time for yourself..

Believe me..

The time spend on silence will be worth it..=)

Missing you...

 "It takes someone really brave to be a mother, 

someone strong to raise a child and 

someone special to love someone more than herself."

                                                        

I miss you, mum! =)

Although I did not miss you every single day..

When I do, I still hope to meet you, to hug you and to talk to you all days..

Sometimes I wondered who will I be if you are still here..

Who I am today, will it be the same if you are here?

If I can trade anything that I have with just 5 minutes of meeting you, 

I will be so willingly and grateful to accept this trade..

Sadly, this trade will never come..

It will only be my dream..

Thank you for I have been smiling thinking of you..

Thank you for your sacrifices that makes me realize the importance of health..

Thank you for giving me this chance of living on my own..

Thank you for whatever you have did, is for my own good..

Thank you for I am proud to be your daughter..

Thank you so much and I will always miss you, mum! =)

Lets meet again in our next life..=D

Loving myself..

"If you love yourself, you love others.

 If you hate yourself, you hate others.

 Because in relationship with others...

the other is nothing but a mirror.."

 ~Osho~

______________________________________

I am glad that I am on the right path..

Although it may be a bit slow, do I need to rush?

As I know myself more..

I think it is time to make some changes to myself..

After all, I am still young to fall, get up and fall again..

As long as I am standing strong on my own principle of life, I am doing alright..

I may need to let go a lot of stuff..

But true stuff will be always be with you when there is chance..

This is my life and I have full responsibility on it..

Changes is beautiful..

I have faith in myself..=)

Gratitude..

"I have to really love something for me to want it, 

crave it, spend my time on it, and 

give it a second chance."

                                                            

Hi my friend,

I decided to leave you as fast as you came into my life..

Thank you for becoming a short chapter in my life..

You allow me to experience the comfort of companionship.
You do help to temporary reduce my loneliness feeling.

You make me realize that I am not kind, I am just being nice to you.

Along the path, 

If I happen to do something that makes you sad or angry, please forgive me..

No matter what you said and do to me, I will forgive you..

I am sorry for cutting you off because..

I am stress..

I am scare.. 

I feel tired..

My sincere gratitude to you..

I hope you will be able to find back the confidence in you..

I hope you will be able to find back yourself, to know what you in want in your life..

I hope you will be able to meet that one person whom will choose to walk the path of life with you forever..

I hope you will learn to respect people as well as yourself truly..

I hope you will learn that happiness cannot be gain externally, start to look for happiness within yourself..

I hope soon you will understand that money is important but money is not everything..

I hope soon you will know that whatever changes in yourself, how you think of yourself is all up to your own decision, so choose to change for the better in you..

Always believe in yourself, I know you can do it! =)

Compassion...

“Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody 

that you have nothing in common with and 

still be fascinated by their presence.”

                                                                                       

There is always a reason someone appear in your life..

Whether is good or bad..

It's all up to you on how you see it..

I am lucky to be able to explore the different types of love that are with us..

I experienced the love from close family..

I felt connected with my buddies..

I felt the love toward works and life..

I even explored the love that you are having a serious crush on someone..

Haha..I know I am weird and crazy..

Recently, I am trying to practice loving-kindness or be compassionate to people..

You got to be kind to yourself..

You got to be kind to your loved ones..

You got to be kind to strangers..

And lastly, be kind to your enemies..

My sincere gratitude to you for allowing me to practice compassion..

I cannot assure you that I will develop feelings for you..

But I am sure that my help for you is just out of compassion..

I hope you will be alright soon..

Always believe that...

After the thunderstorm, here come the beautiful sun shine brightly at you..

I know you can do it..  

Interesting...

The truth is, 

you only ever get one guaranteed forever person in life: 

And that person is you.

                                                                          

I always told my friends, "I am weird!"
They said, "YES, YOU ARE!!" 

Hahaha

I am always the one that throw questions which require deep thinking in a gathering with my friends. 

Although, some questions maybe tiring, confusing, blur, and took longer time to think of the answers, they enjoyed conversation like this because it creates bonding to have a better understanding on yourself. 

As interesting as it seems to me, I enjoyed the friendly debate among us. It allows me...
To see how ego works..

To see the sense of self in us..

To feel how your emotions go during the debate..

Surprisingly, my point of views are always contradict to the norm..

It's okay because everyone of us have our own definition or answer for the questions..

Respect is all we need..=)

Being Aware..

" The day you decide that you are more interested in being aware of your thoughts than you are in the thoughts themselves- that is the day you will find your way out."

                                                                                                            

I am glad that I attended the 10 days meditation retreat.

I gain something that I never expect I will be able to know about it which is Awareness. 

Do you know that..

Feelings (happiness, sadness, anger n etc) are all temporary?

Do you know that..

Everyday is actually never the same?

 

Do you know that..

Nothing is permanent?

If you always practice self-awareness, you will soon realize that...

We, humans, have complicated our own lives..

In fact, life is actually simple! =)