Who am I? What I want?

This is the most frequent questions I have been asking myself for the past 3 days.

Who Am I?
Have you ever ask yourself this question?
Do you get an answer?
I do occasionally ask myself, who am I?
I always could not answered this question.
It seem like a simple question with a simple answer but that is not the answer I am looking for.
I am still searching and I will never give up in finding the answer.

What I want?
Sometimes I thought I had found out what I want,
but soon you realize that is not what you really want.
So you have to search back again but that takes a lot more effort which is why there are also people who refuse to search it and prefer to just go with it.
I start to re-think my decision on my current situation.
I had my goals but I always in doubt.

Life is a journey of self discovery.

I accepted it..

I have not been crying for a week remembering you...
I guess I had accept the truth...

Actually I had my plan since I had given the chance to travel before, I have always worried and dare not proceed with this plan partially is also because of you...
Now you have leave me to be all by myself, I guess I can take up this challenge and explore the world...

Possible another few more years...
If I am still single, I will pursue this plan...
I know you maybe sad and a little bit angry but...
Deep down I know you will always support with whatever I wants...

Goodbye...

Whenever I thought of you, tears just roll down my cheek...
I wondered how long I have been crying almost everyday...
I wished and I knew that one day...
One day..
When I think of you, I will be smiling instead of crying.

I heard you came back home yesterday. 
I knew you just wanted to check is everything all right before you leave. 
Do not worry. 
We will take care of ourself. 
Goodbye...

We are the same...

I thought I am the only one suffering...
I forgot whoever that is closest to my mum is also suffering...
Now the remaining two person who are the closest to me, are also experiencing the same suffering I had...
I hope they will recover soon just as the same to me...

I am grateful for I still had many people who are concern to me...
Thank you for the prayer I received from my buddy...
Thank you for all the guidance and advice from my boss...
Thank you for the dinner treat from my buddies...
Thank you for sharing with me your suffering as well...

Human are just so fragile...
One moment, you can be so happy eating and laughing at jokes;
The next moment, you cry out so much and nearly suffocate yourself.

Everytime...

Everytime,
I wake up in the morning, thinking that my mum is still in Taiping...
But...within a few seconds, I have to accept the truth and continue my day.

Everytime,
I see my mum contact number is no longer on the top list in my phone, I wonder why..
But...within a few seconds, I have to accept the truth and turn on the sleep mode.

Everytime,
I see my mum photos, I will automatically touch her face, hoping I can really feel her skin..
But..within a few seconds, I have to accept the truth and stop touching the photos.

Everytime,
I listen to my mum voice, thinking my mum is really now talking to me...
But..within a few seconds, I have to accept the truth and know that I will never get a reply from her if I respond.

Everytime,
When my phone ring, I always hope the number written as mum calling...
But...within a few seconds, I have to accept the truth and never expect phone call from her any more.

Everytime,
I hang out with my friends, I wonder why my phone no longer ringing...
But..within a few seconds, I have to accept the truth and stop expecting any phone calls.

Everytime,
When you just pop up in my mind, I smiled..
But...within few seconds, I have to accept the truth and start crying.

Sometimes I just wish there is this DELETE button in my mind so that I can stop thinking of you.
But deep down I know...
If I really find out the DELETE button, I will NEVER press on it as well.
I miss you so much.

Alone or Lonely...

Do you know that alone and lonely are different?

If A told you, "I am alone", and B told you, "I am lonely."

Do you think A is more sad than B or vice versa or both also sound sad?


I am alone but do I feel lonely?
I cannot answer you...

TIME is all I need

I have decided to not abandon my blog again... 

 Since the last post, many things happened.  
Changes is beautiful, yet there are some changes I wish it never happen. 

 The year 2015 had been creating an environment that keep forcing me to be strong.  
All this while, I have been strong but now I need to be STRONGER to allow myself keep breathing. 

I have been missing you every single moments. 
I hope the time can stop at the moment when I hugged you so tightly and smell the scent of you. 

 All I need is TIME. 

TIME will make me start living by my own without you by my side. 
TIME will make me explore new challenges and opportunities. 
TIME will make me grow. 
TIME will make me experience new things. 
TIME will make me meet new people. 
TIME will make me appreciate every single moment I am breathing now. 

And with TIME also I may reunite back with you one day.