Attachment..

"What is it that makes you cry?

It is only your attachments.

What is it that you miss when it is lost?

It is the object of your attachment.

Ponder over this."

~Osho~

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That uneasy feeling..
That feeling of being left-out..
That feeling of no longer important..

It brings out sadness in me..
Sometimes I wonder..
Why do I feels it?
Does it matter to me?

Usually I will just let it lingers for a while..
Hoping that I will understand it..
Maybe one day..
I will be able to know it..

You...

“My whole teaching is simply this,

Accept yourself,

Love yourself,

Worship yourself,

Celebrate yourself.”

~Osho~

______________________________

You are like a teacher that life has given to me..
You make me happy..
You make me sad..
You make me angry..
You make me smile..

Just seeing you will makes me smile..
Just hugging you takes all my stress away..

Sometimes you makes me speechless..
Sometimes you makes me cry..

Occasionally I will questioned myself,
“Why am I acting like this?”
“What is my feelings right now?”

You makes me see a different perspective..
You makes me know myself even more..
You makes me feels love..

Thank you for being with me..=)

The Mind..

“What are your emotions, your moods, your sentiments? - just a turmoil.

 And because of this turmoil you cannot see your own nature. 

You go on missing yourself.”

~Osho~

________________________

The mind is very tricky..
Sometimes it leads you to think negatively..
Sometimes it brings happiness to you..

You need to be wise..
You need to observe..
You need to have moment of silence..

Then you will be able to know the mind..

What I want to do,
And what I can do is so different..
When all your want’s are just in your head..
In reality, you do nothing..

Apologize...

"Love is nothing without action. 

Trust is nothing without proof. 

And sorry is nothing without change."

____________________________________

First of all, my sincere apologize to myself..

Forgetting to post in the month of July..

I guess I have been busy with a lot of stuffs..

But that should not be an excuse..

I just forgot about it..=D

Some people say sorry without thinking much..

Some people find it difficult to say sorry..

Sometimes saying sorry,

Does not mean you did wrong..

Does not show you are weak..

Does not mean you have lose..

When you have think through,

You have decided to let it go..

You have decided to forgive..

This is the best time to say I am sorry..

It is not the number of apologize being said,
It is the way you express your apologize,
That will show who you are..=)

Balance...

“Life is a balance between rest and movement.”

~Osho~

_________________________________

It has been a busy month for me..

Sometimes I really wish I have more times for everything..

I need to spend time for my work..

I need time to rest..

I want to spend some time on my plants..

I want to spend some time with my love ones..

Sometimes there is a thought..

A thought that will make you question yourself..

“What have you done so far?”

I always want to plant more plants

In my house or garden..

I thought of building a tiny house for myself..

I want to prepare my own meals for the day..

I want to lead a simple life..

But currently..

I need to spend more time on my works..

I need to spend more time with my love ones..

I guess I just need to find the balance in my life..

Time to make some changes..

I know I can do it..=)

Be or Become...

"All the Buddhas of all the ages 

have been telling you a very simple fact:

Be - don't try to Become. 

Within these two words, be and becoming, 

your whole life is contained."

~ Osho ~

________________________________

To be and To Become may sounds the same..

But they bring different meaning..

Sometimes I am in doubt too..

Am I be?

or

Am I become?

I am still looking at myself for myself..

Searching for the Be who you are..

Wonder how long it takes..

Although as time pass, I Become who am I..

But deep down,

As long as I am always observing and aware of myself..

Maybe one day, 

I can Be who I am..

Distance...

“Everybody is appearing with a mask which is smiling, happy-looking, 

so everybody is deceiving everybody else.

You also appear with a mask, so others think you are happier,

you think others are happier. 

That is the illusion that distance creates.”

~Osho~

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The moments when I decided to start a new life..

Somewhere far from the city..

I am prepared for what might happen..

Initially I thought everything is still fine..

But eventually things become more distant..

I still remember when I am single,

I do not understand why my friend who have boyfriend seems busy..

Now that I am in a relationship,

I think back and I start to wonder..

Am I really busy?

Am I being forgotten?

Maybe this is how life goes..

You do thought of the good old memories..

But it was a past tense..

This new life I am having now..

I do enjoyed a lot..

Despite feeling sad occasionally..

I never regret my decision..

A wise man told me before..

“As you walk on your own path, you get lonelier and its ok.

Do not be afraid. 

Do not turn back.

Just keep walking and believe in yourself.”

Failure...Success...

“Failure and success are unimportant;

What is important is the awareness that 

Everything is a game.”

~Osho~

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After been joining the marathons for few years...
The day when you have to experience the feeling of not being able to complete the run had happened...
On such rare occasions that I was chosen to run in Tokyo marathon,
And yet I did not manage to complete that full marathon..

On that day,
The feeling of hopeless..
The feeling of failure..
Shock and sad...

You just have to accept the fact..
I saw runners that are trying to argue with the authorities..
I saw runners that feels devastated..

As I sit in the sweeper bus quietly,
My thoughts is playing in my mind..
I am blaming myself for my own careless..
I am feeling scare of facing my friends, family and people..
This feeling of failing is very new to me..

I am glad for I acknowledged that failure..
And I starts to smile and looking at the brighter side..
I still remember telling myself...
Do not feel defeated just because of one mistake..
Failure makes you stronger..
I just needs to get up and practice harder in the future..
I will come back and complete my full marathon in Tokyo again..

The moment when I am ready to leave the event place,
I starts to feel scare yet wanting so much to meet that person..
He whom have been waiting for me..
He whom have been accompanied me..
He whom have been cheering for me..

So it hurts...
When I do disappoint him..

But I learned..
Sometimes bad things that happened to you,
Brings greater lesson in your life..
How much you grow depends on how much you changed..

I am glad for staying positive despite the bad day..
After all, life is not just about the good and happy things..
Sometimes we just need to embrace whatever that happened be it good or bad..
As always, nothing is permanent..=)

Thoughts...

“The thought manifests as the word:

The word manifests as the deed:

The deed develops into habit:

and habit hardens into character.

So watch the thought and its ways with care, 

and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings”

~Gautama Buddha~

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Thoughts can be pretty scary if you let it unguarded..

I am used to think a lot..

Sometimes I wish my mind will just stop thinking..

The thought that have been buzzing in my mind can get pretty annoying..

People told me that I think too much..

I agreed for I can think till a point when...

I need to tell myself..

“Steady, everything will be alright. Nothing to worry about.”

I feels like I am a mad lady..

Seeing how my thoughts come and go..

The only thing I can assure is when..

My true-self really want to tell something,

then my body expression wil be seen easily..

Only people who are close to me..

Will be able to realise me..=)

This is me...

“Remember, when you are deeply in love your mind ceases to be. 

There is no past, only the present moment becomes everything. 

When you are in love the present is the only time, 

the now is all- no past, no future.”

~Osho~

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So fast 6 months had passed..
How are you feeling it? =D

Sometimes you will feel annoy or angry,
When I keep asking you questions..

You feels worried,
When I always skipped my meals..

I guessed you do feels hurt,
When I tease you..

I cannot remember every single things you did told me..

Sometimes I feels I am taking you for granted,
Asking you to be my driver and help me buy stuff..

I still remember your face expression of devastation..
When I cried so badly and saying harsh words..

The moment when I did not convey my message properly to you,
You feels angry and voice out..
That scare me a while..
But I feels touched..
When you actually cried regretting your action..

Sometimes I am trying to bring fun into my life..
When I act cute in front of you..
When I do stupid things and you will say me crazy..
You must have a lot of patience in entertaining me..

So like it or not,
This is me and I see it in myself..

Until today,
Occasionally...
I still ask myself..
Am I really have a boyfriend?

I always feel grateful..
For your presence in my life..

I am pretty sure you will not like the following sentences..

If one day, we will not be able to be together..
Be it death or some other reasons..
Let’s cherish every moments now..
For you have bring colours to my life..
Love you always, my pig..=)

Is a choice...

“Love is a choice.

Love is making a choice every single day, 

to either love or not love.

Sometimes it is easy to love. 

Sometimes it is extremely difficult. 

But at the end of the day, 

it is always a choice.”

_____________________

People say fall in love is by chance..
While stay in love is by choice..

I feels both are also choices that you make in your life..

People makes decision every single day,
Is just a difference between conscious and unconscious decisions.

Some people know that they choose their own action..
Some may not realise that the inner self of you have make the decision..

To choose to love a person is easy..
To choose to love the same person every single day,
That will require a lot of works..

Limit...

“Within this life is time, 

And within time is a limit.

Not all notice,

But once you do it changes all”

_____________________

Everyone has their own limit..

Limit to learn..
Learning new things..
Learning new words..
Just try to exceed the limit..
By not harming your health..
People grow the most when they are out from their comfort zone..
Keep learning and never stop growing..

Limit to hold..
How much can you hold..
Holding onto someone..
Holding onto something..
When you have exceed your limit of holding,
Letting go may be the best choice..

Limit to give..
The value of giving is priceless..
Giving out your love..
Giving out your time..
Even giving out your life..
Is what we should always practice..
People tend to expect what to receive..
Yet least have expectations on what to give..

Time is running fast and so is your limitation to live...

Awake...

“Be the witness of your thoughts.

You are what observes.

Not what you observe.”

 ~Buddha~

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What you think you are,
You become..

So,
If you tend to think towards the positive side,
Good things will always happen to you..
However,
If you tend to think towards the negative side,
Then eventually you will feel nothing is good for you..

Our thoughts can be pretty amusing..
Sometimes if I am not alert enough,
I may do something unconsciously and cause consequences.

Meditation did make me more awake of my own thoughts..
Useless thoughts that just flow freely..
Messy thoughts that makes you uneasy..
Nonsense thoughts that create fear..

I feel shaken..
I feel scare..
Just observe and embrace it..

Missing you...

”The desire to cry, 

or an overwhelming feeling of sadness for no apparent reason, 

is linked to emotional stress caused by missing someone.”

         __________________________

Feeling uneasy..
Feeling sad..
Feeling down..

Everything just does not seem right to me..
It has been sometimes I have this feeling..
Feeling of missing someone so much..

3 years ago..
The last time I missed someone so badly..
I almost forgot..
How I cried when just the thought of you..
How I cried in my sleep..

That feeling of missing someone..
Just surge into me like waves..
I am drowning for few nights..

I just let myself drown..
Until I decided to tell you..
I am glad for I feel much better..

Thank you for making me recognise back these feelings..
Love you always..=)

Lucky...

"A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. 

A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man."

_____________________________

When I told my friends about you..
They always asked me..
Who is that lucky person? =D

You say you are lucky..
In fact..
I am lucky for I believe that you will love me dearly..=)
Your love, care and respect for me..
I see it always..

Having a person beside each other do make us feel less lonely..
We feel valued and appreciated..

Relationships always start with honeymoon period which everything looks good and happy..
After that period, only will be the real test for a relationship to last..
We will never know when the honeymoon period end..
But I promise that I will try my best not to give up on each other so easily..

I do not know how long it may last..
But whatever that happens now..
Will be one of the best memories throughout my life..

Writing down this post is to remind myself in future..
How wonderful you are in my life right now..

3 years...

"In life you may be poor or rich, 

but death is the great equalizer. 

The greatest communism is in death. 

Howsoever you live, it makes no difference; 

death happens equally. 

In life, equality is impossible; 

in death, inequality is impossible. 

Become aware of it, contemplate it."

~ Osho ~ 

                                                 

Just in a blink of an eye, 3 years have passed..

I still miss you..

Although not so often, I know I miss you..

I am pretty sure you must have been either,

In a totally new dimension,

Or reborn again..

I am happy for I have met you in this life..

If you are still here,

I want to share with you my happiness..

Thank you..

Because without you,

I will not be in this life..

Sometimes I will recall the day when you left the world..

Is fast and mystery..

That scene is precious to me..

Vividly clear in my memories..

I did not know how it happened,

But that experience makes me grow a lot..

Way beyond what I expected..

Yet I know you saw how well I handled it..

Just let me miss you more today..

Sadness..

Happiness..

I appreciate it..

I love you, Mum..=)

Thanks to you...

"Love is not a relationship, love is a state of being.

It has nothing to do with anybody else.

One is not 'in love', one is love. 

And of course when one is love, one is in love.

But that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source.

The source is that one is love."

~Osho~

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The first time I met you,
Never thought that things will turn out this way..

Maybe you are not sure when it start..
To me, I start to notice you last year..

I still remembered when you texted me "See you on the route"
Really out of my expectation when you patted me halfway on the run..

We chatted as we run..
You passed me the drink..
And also after the run,
When you suddenly poke me before leave..

In my mind, I was like...
Nah, we are just friends..

I guess I kind of like telling myself not to overthink stuff..
Probably my past experiences make me not to over assume things..

Every time when we chat, I just feel like we are trying to drag our conversations..
Because if it stops then I do not know when we will chat again..

I still remembered there is this one night I feels like chatting with you..
But I do not know how to start..

During the trip, I noticed your actions..
I still told myself that we are just friends..
Although, I still do something more than a friend will do..

I am really glad that you tell me the truth..
Which is why I am slowly letting you know more about myself..

Thank you..=)

Life Purpose...

"Do not try to understand life. Live it! 

Do not try to understand love. Move into love. 

Then you will know and that knowing will come out of your experiencing. "

~ Osho ~

____________________________

Seems like I am still not very sure with myself..

Just a few questions, 

I can feel how difficult for me to convey out through words..

"What do you want in your life?"

This question left me speechless..

What I am looking now is more of an internal than external thing..

I have freedom yet I am lost too..

I know I have plenty of self-homework to do..

How to love without expectation?

How to gain peace with yourself?

How to receive happiness within myself?

How to show my vulnerability?

Be daring to try..

Be open up to new possibilities..

Be free..

Long way to go..

I am learning and always learning..

Life does not happen to you,

Life happens for you.

Life like a Marathon...

"If you run, you are a runner.

It does not matter how fast or how far.

It does not matter if today is your first day or

if you have been running for twenty tears.

There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get.

You just run."

~ John Bingham ~

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My story at Standard Chartered Full Marathon 2018...

At the start of the marathon,

I saw..
Everyone running at their own pace.
Some enjoyed talking while running.
Some already sprinting far from my sight.

I feel..
The nice cool morning breeze.
My heart beats pretty stable.
My body starts to warm up as I keep running.

Halfway through the marathon,

I saw..
Some had slowed down their footsteps.
Some breathing heavily trying to keep running.
Some decided to stop and rest.

I feel..
My stomach grumbled as I need food.
My body keep sweating.
My mind is telling me to rest if I need to.

Almost at the end of the marathon,

I saw..
Some had completed the run.
Some had injured.
Some are still running.

I feel..
My energy is low.
My right leg started to feel pain.
I am fighting against my mind to never give up on the run.

When I end the marathon,

I saw..
People cheering for the runners.
Runners smiling happily as they finish the run.
People taking photos of their achievements.

I feel..
Grateful as I completed another full marathon.
Happy as I can finally rest and have a nice meal.
Exhausted after running non-stop for about 6 hours.

Life like a marathon..
Everyone have to go on their own route in life.
Either you run or walk at your own pace.
You may face obstacles, challenges and helps.
You may experience injuries, failure and victory.
You may feel pain, hopeless and happy.

No matter what, 
Live at your own pace and never give up on Life.
Because at the end of your Life,
How you see Life?
Will be what Life have give you.

Although I decided to stop running for full marathon,
I will never stop running..=)

Sometimes...

"In your hopelessness is the only hope, 

and in your desirelessness is your only fullfillment,

 and in your tremendous helplessness,

 suddenly the whole existence starts helping you."

~Osho~

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Sometimes I am happy,
Because I get to do what I really enjoy doing.

Sometimes I am sad,
Because I do not get to spend my time with other things.

Sometimes I feel contented,
As I have a shelter, food, clothing and water.

Sometimes I feel greedy,
As I hope I can get better things.

Sometimes I am afraid,
Because I do not know what is my future going to be.

Sometimes I am fearless,
Because I know that death is our final destination.

I saw my emotions..
I can feel it..