Be or Become...

"All the Buddhas of all the ages 

have been telling you a very simple fact:

Be - don't try to Become. 

Within these two words, be and becoming, 

your whole life is contained."

~ Osho ~

________________________________

To be and To Become may sounds the same..

But they bring different meaning..

Sometimes I am in doubt too..

Am I be?

or

Am I become?

I am still looking at myself for myself..

Searching for the Be who you are..

Wonder how long it takes..

Although as time pass, I Become who am I..

But deep down,

As long as I am always observing and aware of myself..

Maybe one day, 

I can Be who I am..

Distance...

“Everybody is appearing with a mask which is smiling, happy-looking, 

so everybody is deceiving everybody else.

You also appear with a mask, so others think you are happier,

you think others are happier. 

That is the illusion that distance creates.”

~Osho~

______________________________

The moments when I decided to start a new life..

Somewhere far from the city..

I am prepared for what might happen..

Initially I thought everything is still fine..

But eventually things become more distant..

I still remember when I am single,

I do not understand why my friend who have boyfriend seems busy..

Now that I am in a relationship,

I think back and I start to wonder..

Am I really busy?

Am I being forgotten?

Maybe this is how life goes..

You do thought of the good old memories..

But it was a past tense..

This new life I am having now..

I do enjoyed a lot..

Despite feeling sad occasionally..

I never regret my decision..

A wise man told me before..

“As you walk on your own path, you get lonelier and its ok.

Do not be afraid. 

Do not turn back.

Just keep walking and believe in yourself.”

Failure...Success...

“Failure and success are unimportant;

What is important is the awareness that 

Everything is a game.”

~Osho~

__________________________

After been joining the marathons for few years...
The day when you have to experience the feeling of not being able to complete the run had happened...
On such rare occasions that I was chosen to run in Tokyo marathon,
And yet I did not manage to complete that full marathon..

On that day,
The feeling of hopeless..
The feeling of failure..
Shock and sad...

You just have to accept the fact..
I saw runners that are trying to argue with the authorities..
I saw runners that feels devastated..

As I sit in the sweeper bus quietly,
My thoughts is playing in my mind..
I am blaming myself for my own careless..
I am feeling scare of facing my friends, family and people..
This feeling of failing is very new to me..

I am glad for I acknowledged that failure..
And I starts to smile and looking at the brighter side..
I still remember telling myself...
Do not feel defeated just because of one mistake..
Failure makes you stronger..
I just needs to get up and practice harder in the future..
I will come back and complete my full marathon in Tokyo again..

The moment when I am ready to leave the event place,
I starts to feel scare yet wanting so much to meet that person..
He whom have been waiting for me..
He whom have been accompanied me..
He whom have been cheering for me..

So it hurts...
When I do disappoint him..

But I learned..
Sometimes bad things that happened to you,
Brings greater lesson in your life..
How much you grow depends on how much you changed..

I am glad for staying positive despite the bad day..
After all, life is not just about the good and happy things..
Sometimes we just need to embrace whatever that happened be it good or bad..
As always, nothing is permanent..=)

Thoughts...

“The thought manifests as the word:

The word manifests as the deed:

The deed develops into habit:

and habit hardens into character.

So watch the thought and its ways with care, 

and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings”

~Gautama Buddha~

_____________________________

Thoughts can be pretty scary if you let it unguarded..

I am used to think a lot..

Sometimes I wish my mind will just stop thinking..

The thought that have been buzzing in my mind can get pretty annoying..

People told me that I think too much..

I agreed for I can think till a point when...

I need to tell myself..

“Steady, everything will be alright. Nothing to worry about.”

I feels like I am a mad lady..

Seeing how my thoughts come and go..

The only thing I can assure is when..

My true-self really want to tell something,

then my body expression wil be seen easily..

Only people who are close to me..

Will be able to realise me..=)

This is me...

“Remember, when you are deeply in love your mind ceases to be. 

There is no past, only the present moment becomes everything. 

When you are in love the present is the only time, 

the now is all- no past, no future.”

~Osho~

_____________________________

So fast 6 months had passed..
How are you feeling it? =D

Sometimes you will feel annoy or angry,
When I keep asking you questions..

You feels worried,
When I always skipped my meals..

I guessed you do feels hurt,
When I tease you..

I cannot remember every single things you did told me..

Sometimes I feels I am taking you for granted,
Asking you to be my driver and help me buy stuff..

I still remember your face expression of devastation..
When I cried so badly and saying harsh words..

The moment when I did not convey my message properly to you,
You feels angry and voice out..
That scare me a while..
But I feels touched..
When you actually cried regretting your action..

Sometimes I am trying to bring fun into my life..
When I act cute in front of you..
When I do stupid things and you will say me crazy..
You must have a lot of patience in entertaining me..

So like it or not,
This is me and I see it in myself..

Until today,
Occasionally...
I still ask myself..
Am I really have a boyfriend?

I always feel grateful..
For your presence in my life..

I am pretty sure you will not like the following sentences..

If one day, we will not be able to be together..
Be it death or some other reasons..
Let’s cherish every moments now..
For you have bring colours to my life..
Love you always, my pig..=)

Is a choice...

“Love is a choice.

Love is making a choice every single day, 

to either love or not love.

Sometimes it is easy to love. 

Sometimes it is extremely difficult. 

But at the end of the day, 

it is always a choice.”

_____________________

People say fall in love is by chance..
While stay in love is by choice..

I feels both are also choices that you make in your life..

People makes decision every single day,
Is just a difference between conscious and unconscious decisions.

Some people know that they choose their own action..
Some may not realise that the inner self of you have make the decision..

To choose to love a person is easy..
To choose to love the same person every single day,
That will require a lot of works..

Limit...

“Within this life is time, 

And within time is a limit.

Not all notice,

But once you do it changes all”

_____________________

Everyone has their own limit..

Limit to learn..
Learning new things..
Learning new words..
Just try to exceed the limit..
By not harming your health..
People grow the most when they are out from their comfort zone..
Keep learning and never stop growing..

Limit to hold..
How much can you hold..
Holding onto someone..
Holding onto something..
When you have exceed your limit of holding,
Letting go may be the best choice..

Limit to give..
The value of giving is priceless..
Giving out your love..
Giving out your time..
Even giving out your life..
Is what we should always practice..
People tend to expect what to receive..
Yet least have expectations on what to give..

Time is running fast and so is your limitation to live...