Awake...

“Be the witness of your thoughts.

You are what observes.

Not what you observe.”

 ~Buddha~

___________________________

What you think you are,
You become..

So,
If you tend to think towards the positive side,
Good things will always happen to you..
However,
If you tend to think towards the negative side,
Then eventually you will feel nothing is good for you..

Our thoughts can be pretty amusing..
Sometimes if I am not alert enough,
I may do something unconsciously and cause consequences.

Meditation did make me more awake of my own thoughts..
Useless thoughts that just flow freely..
Messy thoughts that makes you uneasy..
Nonsense thoughts that create fear..

I feel shaken..
I feel scare..
Just observe and embrace it..

Missing you...

”The desire to cry, 

or an overwhelming feeling of sadness for no apparent reason, 

is linked to emotional stress caused by missing someone.”

         __________________________

Feeling uneasy..
Feeling sad..
Feeling down..

Everything just does not seem right to me..
It has been sometimes I have this feeling..
Feeling of missing someone so much..

3 years ago..
The last time I missed someone so badly..
I almost forgot..
How I cried when just the thought of you..
How I cried in my sleep..

That feeling of missing someone..
Just surge into me like waves..
I am drowning for few nights..

I just let myself drown..
Until I decided to tell you..
I am glad for I feel much better..

Thank you for making me recognise back these feelings..
Love you always..=)

Lucky...

"A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. 

A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man."

_____________________________

When I told my friends about you..
They always asked me..
Who is that lucky person? =D

You say you are lucky..
In fact..
I am lucky for I believe that you will love me dearly..=)
Your love, care and respect for me..
I see it always..

Having a person beside each other do make us feel less lonely..
We feel valued and appreciated..

Relationships always start with honeymoon period which everything looks good and happy..
After that period, only will be the real test for a relationship to last..
We will never know when the honeymoon period end..
But I promise that I will try my best not to give up on each other so easily..

I do not know how long it may last..
But whatever that happens now..
Will be one of the best memories throughout my life..

Writing down this post is to remind myself in future..
How wonderful you are in my life right now..

3 years...

"In life you may be poor or rich, 

but death is the great equalizer. 

The greatest communism is in death. 

Howsoever you live, it makes no difference; 

death happens equally. 

In life, equality is impossible; 

in death, inequality is impossible. 

Become aware of it, contemplate it."

~ Osho ~ 

                                                 

Just in a blink of an eye, 3 years have passed..

I still miss you..

Although not so often, I know I miss you..

I am pretty sure you must have been either,

In a totally new dimension,

Or reborn again..

I am happy for I have met you in this life..

If you are still here,

I want to share with you my happiness..

Thank you..

Because without you,

I will not be in this life..

Sometimes I will recall the day when you left the world..

Is fast and mystery..

That scene is precious to me..

Vividly clear in my memories..

I did not know how it happened,

But that experience makes me grow a lot..

Way beyond what I expected..

Yet I know you saw how well I handled it..

Just let me miss you more today..

Sadness..

Happiness..

I appreciate it..

I love you, Mum..=)

Thanks to you...

"Love is not a relationship, love is a state of being.

It has nothing to do with anybody else.

One is not 'in love', one is love. 

And of course when one is love, one is in love.

But that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source.

The source is that one is love."

~Osho~

______________________________

The first time I met you,
Never thought that things will turn out this way..

Maybe you are not sure when it start..
To me, I start to notice you last year..

I still remembered when you texted me "See you on the route"
Really out of my expectation when you patted me halfway on the run..

We chatted as we run..
You passed me the drink..
And also after the run,
When you suddenly poke me before leave..

In my mind, I was like...
Nah, we are just friends..

I guess I kind of like telling myself not to overthink stuff..
Probably my past experiences make me not to over assume things..

Every time when we chat, I just feel like we are trying to drag our conversations..
Because if it stops then I do not know when we will chat again..

I still remembered there is this one night I feels like chatting with you..
But I do not know how to start..

During the trip, I noticed your actions..
I still told myself that we are just friends..
Although, I still do something more than a friend will do..

I am really glad that you tell me the truth..
Which is why I am slowly letting you know more about myself..

Thank you..=)

Life Purpose...

"Do not try to understand life. Live it! 

Do not try to understand love. Move into love. 

Then you will know and that knowing will come out of your experiencing. "

~ Osho ~

____________________________

Seems like I am still not very sure with myself..

Just a few questions, 

I can feel how difficult for me to convey out through words..

"What do you want in your life?"

This question left me speechless..

What I am looking now is more of an internal than external thing..

I have freedom yet I am lost too..

I know I have plenty of self-homework to do..

How to love without expectation?

How to gain peace with yourself?

How to receive happiness within myself?

How to show my vulnerability?

Be daring to try..

Be open up to new possibilities..

Be free..

Long way to go..

I am learning and always learning..

Life does not happen to you,

Life happens for you.

Life like a Marathon...

"If you run, you are a runner.

It does not matter how fast or how far.

It does not matter if today is your first day or

if you have been running for twenty tears.

There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get.

You just run."

~ John Bingham ~

_______________________________

My story at Standard Chartered Full Marathon 2018...

At the start of the marathon,

I saw..
Everyone running at their own pace.
Some enjoyed talking while running.
Some already sprinting far from my sight.

I feel..
The nice cool morning breeze.
My heart beats pretty stable.
My body starts to warm up as I keep running.

Halfway through the marathon,

I saw..
Some had slowed down their footsteps.
Some breathing heavily trying to keep running.
Some decided to stop and rest.

I feel..
My stomach grumbled as I need food.
My body keep sweating.
My mind is telling me to rest if I need to.

Almost at the end of the marathon,

I saw..
Some had completed the run.
Some had injured.
Some are still running.

I feel..
My energy is low.
My right leg started to feel pain.
I am fighting against my mind to never give up on the run.

When I end the marathon,

I saw..
People cheering for the runners.
Runners smiling happily as they finish the run.
People taking photos of their achievements.

I feel..
Grateful as I completed another full marathon.
Happy as I can finally rest and have a nice meal.
Exhausted after running non-stop for about 6 hours.

Life like a marathon..
Everyone have to go on their own route in life.
Either you run or walk at your own pace.
You may face obstacles, challenges and helps.
You may experience injuries, failure and victory.
You may feel pain, hopeless and happy.

No matter what, 
Live at your own pace and never give up on Life.
Because at the end of your Life,
How you see Life?
Will be what Life have give you.

Although I decided to stop running for full marathon,
I will never stop running..=)