"Overall my trial results was bad...very disappointed...i was feeling disappointed until i feel numb with myself...i start to feel that i was useless, why i can't remember what i have studied?Why i can't answer such easy question?...no matter how hard i had studied before yet i can't score well in exam...i hate myself...based on this trial results, i suppose to cry out loud but only a few drops roll down my cheeks...i was feeling very sad and disappointed until i don't think by crying will relieve my sadness...i blame myself for not putting much effort, blame myself for not paying attention in the class, blame myself to have such weak memory...i really want to cry out and shout as loud as i can but everything was just my wish...i can't do it...feeling stress with STPM...i try not to think of the past...till now i don't want to accept that i had chose a wrong pathway...i was still struggling to go through this few more months...to console a person is much much easier than to console ourselves..."cool down k...don't so stress ya", this is what i always told my friends and yet i found it difficult for myself to do it...my determination to study was not strong...i want to have strong determination to study just like how i can spend few days doing something i like...i am trying my best now to study for STPM...i don't want to fail...i hate failing...although this trial, i kept saying "fail ma fail lo...not a big deal right...i am ready to fail"...sound so relax but when i really got that result, neither cry nor happy, my mind was just feeling blank...i know my heart was very pain with those kind of results but i didn't cry so badly this time...sometimes i just thought of don't want study anymore...when i see my friends doing homework, i felt tired...when i see my friends studying and doing revision, i felt stress...i feel that everyone around me are so clever, even they didn't studied they still can score well...why i can't be just one of them? i felt myself so stupid...if my friends ask me question, i found it difficult to explain to them or i can't answer the question...feeling useless...sigh...as STPM is reaching, my shoulder feel more and more tired...how i wish the time can stop right now, i was scare to face STPM, i feel even more scared to face my result...i was scare...sob sob..."
i was feeling more better now after writing this blog...
this time i chose to say out instead of crying...as usual i have learn to think positive...there is still time for me to improve...i want to prove to myself that practice makes perfect...i give myself another chance to work hard for my real STPM...to my dearest friends, don't worry about me, i was just expressing my real feeling...don't worry, be happy...=)...my forever slogan "i know i can do it"...i am going to take my last chance...may God bless me...
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