Thanks to you...

"Love is not a relationship, love is a state of being.

It has nothing to do with anybody else.

One is not 'in love', one is love. 

And of course when one is love, one is in love.

But that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source.

The source is that one is love."

~Osho~

______________________________

The first time I met you,
Never thought that things will turn out this way..

Maybe you are not sure when it start..
To me, I start to notice you last year..

I still remembered when you texted me "See you on the route"
Really out of my expectation when you patted me halfway on the run..

We chatted as we run..
You passed me the drink..
And also after the run,
When you suddenly poke me before leave..

In my mind, I was like...
Nah, we are just friends..

I guess I kind of like telling myself not to overthink stuff..
Probably my past experiences make me not to over assume things..

Every time when we chat, I just feel like we are trying to drag our conversations..
Because if it stops then I do not know when we will chat again..

I still remembered there is this one night I feels like chatting with you..
But I do not know how to start..

During the trip, I noticed your actions..
I still told myself that we are just friends..
Although, I still do something more than a friend will do..

I am really glad that you tell me the truth..
Which is why I am slowly letting you know more about myself..

Thank you..=)

Life Purpose...

"Do not try to understand life. Live it! 

Do not try to understand love. Move into love. 

Then you will know and that knowing will come out of your experiencing. "

~ Osho ~

____________________________

Seems like I am still not very sure with myself..

Just a few questions, 

I can feel how difficult for me to convey out through words..

"What do you want in your life?"

This question left me speechless..

What I am looking now is more of an internal than external thing..

I have freedom yet I am lost too..

I know I have plenty of self-homework to do..

How to love without expectation?

How to gain peace with yourself?

How to receive happiness within myself?

How to show my vulnerability?

Be daring to try..

Be open up to new possibilities..

Be free..

Long way to go..

I am learning and always learning..

Life does not happen to you,

Life happens for you.

Life like a Marathon...

"If you run, you are a runner.

It does not matter how fast or how far.

It does not matter if today is your first day or

if you have been running for twenty tears.

There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get.

You just run."

~ John Bingham ~

_______________________________

My story at Standard Chartered Full Marathon 2018...

At the start of the marathon,

I saw..
Everyone running at their own pace.
Some enjoyed talking while running.
Some already sprinting far from my sight.

I feel..
The nice cool morning breeze.
My heart beats pretty stable.
My body starts to warm up as I keep running.

Halfway through the marathon,

I saw..
Some had slowed down their footsteps.
Some breathing heavily trying to keep running.
Some decided to stop and rest.

I feel..
My stomach grumbled as I need food.
My body keep sweating.
My mind is telling me to rest if I need to.

Almost at the end of the marathon,

I saw..
Some had completed the run.
Some had injured.
Some are still running.

I feel..
My energy is low.
My right leg started to feel pain.
I am fighting against my mind to never give up on the run.

When I end the marathon,

I saw..
People cheering for the runners.
Runners smiling happily as they finish the run.
People taking photos of their achievements.

I feel..
Grateful as I completed another full marathon.
Happy as I can finally rest and have a nice meal.
Exhausted after running non-stop for about 6 hours.

Life like a marathon..
Everyone have to go on their own route in life.
Either you run or walk at your own pace.
You may face obstacles, challenges and helps.
You may experience injuries, failure and victory.
You may feel pain, hopeless and happy.

No matter what, 
Live at your own pace and never give up on Life.
Because at the end of your Life,
How you see Life?
Will be what Life have give you.

Although I decided to stop running for full marathon,
I will never stop running..=)

Sometimes...

"In your hopelessness is the only hope, 

and in your desirelessness is your only fullfillment,

 and in your tremendous helplessness,

 suddenly the whole existence starts helping you."

~Osho~

________________________________

Sometimes I am happy,
Because I get to do what I really enjoy doing.

Sometimes I am sad,
Because I do not get to spend my time with other things.

Sometimes I feel contented,
As I have a shelter, food, clothing and water.

Sometimes I feel greedy,
As I hope I can get better things.

Sometimes I am afraid,
Because I do not know what is my future going to be.

Sometimes I am fearless,
Because I know that death is our final destination.

I saw my emotions..
I can feel it..

Aloneness..

"Aloneness simply means completeness.

 You are whole; 
there is no need of anybody else to complete you. 

So try to find out your innermost center where you are always alone, have always been alone. 

In life, in death - wherever you are - you will be alone."

~ Osho ~

_________________________

We are always afraid of being alone; being lonely..

We rather stick to discomfort, sadness, frustration, and annoyance..

Aloneness is a deep form of you that is hard to understand..

There are articles that stated to be really happy especially in relationship..

First, you need to be alone; you need to know what you want; who you are..

I do agree that we need to know what we want in our life..

Be truth to yourself before you fall into any relationship..

However, loneliness is quite scary..

Sometimes being alone for too long, makes me feel scare..

No matter how comfortable I am being alone..

I do hope to meet..

Someone that can walk hand in hand with me..

Someone that I can fully put my trust on..

Someone that connects with me..

Despite the past years where I do tried to look for that person..

I decided to stop searching and slowly walks on my own path..

Deep down I know that..

I cannot waste my time looking anymore..

I may fall for the wrong guy if I insist to be in a relationship..

Hence,

I can only put my trust that..

While I am walking on my own path, 

I will meet you along the way..

Smile..

"Happiness happens when you fit with your life;

When you fit so harmoniously 

that whatsoever you are doing is your joy."

~Osho~

______________________________

Since I started looking at the world on a brighter view, I smile a lot..

I realized that there are so many things..

To feel impress..

To feel amuse..

To feel grateful..

Do not cling to negativity..

Because things will change..

Do not take things to personal..

Because things might not be you..

I watched an interesting short video..

The whole content says this:
"We don't LAUGH on the same JOKE again.

  Why do we CRY on the same PROBLEM again?"

We will never know what our future will be..

Are we going to fall sick?

Are we going to have our own family?

Are we going to be rich or famous?

Are we going to get into an accident?

So no matter what happens, 

just SMILE and everything is gonna be ALRIGHT..=) 

   

Wants...

"Stop caring what people think. 

Stop taking caution in your actions, 

Listen to what you want, 

Do what you want, 

This is your life. 

Live it."

____________________________

Am I chasing what I want in my life?
Am I on the right path?

Most of the time, my answer is a yes..
I have seen how much I have grown..
I am more clear with my own goals..

I am happy now on my own..
I realized happiness have nothing to do with people or things..

True happiness comes within you,
No matter where you are..
No matter what you do..
No matter who you meet..

Of course two is better than one..
I do really wants to meet another person that will walk with me..
People told me that I need to know who I want to attract the person itself..

Question is..
What do I want from a relationship?
I have yet to know the answer..

Sometimes, I wondered...
Have I met you?
Have I missed out the sight of you?

I still have my own issues to settle..
I just wish if I happen to meet you,
Please let me know..=)